She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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