LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
