if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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