U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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