You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
