just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you never un-have a 4some
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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