so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
