I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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