so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
