don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
