i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
