so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
