To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
