you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
