I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
