I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
