My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
