So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
