Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
wrigley field is MILF paradise
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
