just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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