I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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