evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
