Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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