Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
