How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
