That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
