loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
