He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
