I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
