all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
