did you get engaged???
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
