Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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