last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
