I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
