Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
