I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
is that a dick in a sweater?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
