i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i will never coherently bang her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
