well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
