She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
