Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
