My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
