I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
