I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
