I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
