every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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