i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
