I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Text me some of your sweat
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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