I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
