I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
