look no pants
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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