My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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