Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
